Last year, I had a bit of fun defending hardware appliances with my article Avi vs. F5: 9 Reasons Why Hardware is Better than Software. If you couldn’t tell, sarcasm is my first language.
In reality, enterprises are saying goodbye to their hardware appliances. The world’s largest financial services, technology, and media companies are all replacing their F5 appliances with Avi.
Why? Avi provides consistent load balancing services on-prem and across any cloud, and the services are faster and better than the appliance-based incumbents. If you haven’t yet evaluated Avi, I highly recommend scheduling a demo.
But the bigger question you’re probably asking yourself is, “What do I do with all the old hardware load balancers?”
Well, you are in luck! There are 5 easy ways to put your old load balancers to use.
DISCLAIMER: Please do not take these recommendations seriously. Chris had too many Red Bulls. We should have known he was up to mischief with all that giggling. We’re sorry.
#1: Load Balancer Tower Game
Think Jenga. It sounds more fun than it really is. In the end, there are no winners.
Hard hats recommended.
DISCLAIMER: Under no circumstances should you ever do this.
#2: Find the Treasures Inside!
These boxes are expensive! It can’t just be a cheap motherboard, cheap processor, and some cheap memory inside. Maybe… just maybe... there are treasures inside to justify the outrageous price tag.
DISCLAIMER: There are no treasures inside. Chris photoshopped that stuff there. There is literally only a cheap motherboard, cheap processor, and some cheap memory inside. Thanks for the false hope, Chris!
#3: Crypto-mine!
Think you missed out on the crypto-craze? Think again! Start mining that sweet, sweet bitcoin with the power of your hardware load balancer. Don’t ask yourself if you should. Ask yourself if you could.
DISCLAIMER: You could crypto mine with an appliance, but you really shouldn’t. You will never be able to turn a profit. You’re better off mining with a Raspberry Pi. That is also a terrible idea.
#4 Build a Playhouse for the Kids!
Kids love hardware load balancers! And they’ll love you when you build them a playhouse out of your old load balancers! Remind your children to be grateful as this playhouse costs more than most real houses.
DISCLAIMER: Kids do NOT love hardware load balancers. They don’t even know what they are, and they probably never will. And the comment about load balancers costing more than a real home is… actually, that is somehow accurate.
#5 Griddle Time
Load balancers run hot, hot, hot! Know what else is hot? All-day breakfast. Put a load balancer in every cubicle and let the scent of pancakes and bacon flow through the office.
DISCLAIMER: Stop!
